UGH!  I cannot believe that I signed my life away for a whole year on a whim.  It's not the worst thing in the world, I mean, I make good money and I have a nice place.  But, this is what I think of as my way of learning what I really want in life and what is really important to me.  I still have 9 more months left here in this stupid city unless I can come up with a plan to leave earlier.  I miss my friends and family A WHOLE LOT and I miss going to school and living a pretty easy life.

Things I've learned that I don't want:

1. To work only for money and not for the love of what I am doing
2. To be a partier for the rest of my life
3. To rush my life along by quitting school so early
4. To have regrets

Things I do want:

1. To go back to school (Really Bad)
2. To find a serious g/f
3. To do Art full time as a career

My current mood is crappy.  I hope it doesn't carry over to my work day tomorrow, I might get fired or end up quitting.

I guess I gotta do what I gotta do to survive until I serve my sentence for what I've done.

I don't feel like writing anymore so I am going to write again later.

One more thing, please do not leave "words of encouragement."  I do not like that type of stuff.  If you comment, tell me something interesting.

PEACE OUT!  - Cory

I'm going to start off today with three quotes:

"To whom much is given, much will be expected." - Unknown
"Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress." - Thomas Eddison
"Be nobody but yourself in a world which is trying - night and day - to make you everyone else." - E. Cummings, Poet

So, now that I'm in the real world, these have never made more sense.  People in the real world try to make you feel bad about yourself.  I don't know if it's because they are intimidated by each other, or if they just have no manners, or why they do it.  I think it's because they are intimidated by each other.  The reason I'm saying this is because I'm trying to figure out why people say things like, "You look like you're 15." or "You're freaky, bet you like it rough and straight to the point.  Whereas, I bet your friend likes to take his time and is a pleaser...."  WTF?  Are these supposed to be compliments?  How am I supposed to respond to things like that?  "Uh, you look middle aged... I'm gonna guess 43." and "I bet you like to be tied up and  you're looking for someone who likes it rough."     ?????   Whatever.
The reason I'm writing this is mainly for myself.  This is kinda where I vent and think about things and figure things out.  You know how you sometimes have to write things down to see them in perspective?  My resolution to this problem as of today is that I probably need to grow up quite a bit.  Maybe I will start lifting weights (which I hate to do), that way I can look more the part of being grown up.  I need to not go out near as much, and when I do, I need to go places that I can meet people instead of just get drunk and criticized behind my back by people I don't know at night clubs.  And, in Lay Men's terms, as E. Cummings put it: I need to stop worrying so much about what everyone else says about me when it's not constructive critisizm.
Another thing is, I now somewhat understand the importance of school and am slowly realizing and wishing I was back in it.  There are definitely aspects about school that I still cannot get past, but I'm sure those will pass.  And I'm sure I will probably go back.  Mainly because, although what I am doing right now is good and all, I can do better.  I will, however, take from this experience a HUGE life lesson that I could not have learned in school.
* Just a note to myself - I think when I go back to school next year, I'll get a studio art degree and teach art to highschool students.

Ok, so on the last posting, I was having a really bad day and going through a lot and had been for about a month.  Things are calmed down now a little bit and although I do not regret saying those things, I don't want them to affect how other people think.  I do however still agree with the last posting.  But, I don't think that the way people are is a bad thing.  It's just truth.  And the only solution to it, if it were a problem to be human, is forgiveness.  That's my answer for religions.  They offer forgivness for being human as if it were something bad.  I think being human is not "bad" but "natural" and we should not make the natural things that people do that society says is bad, such as consentual sex, being weird, etc... into being "bad" things.  Although, I do think people should work harder to live in a more peaceful society of forgiving each other for being human, for making mistakes, and for being sexual beings.  Also, people should work harder to better themselves and to make everyone else's life better too.  *edit* religions aren't bad.  they provide good guidelines for people to live by so that our society is better.  Even I have religion, I just wanted to analyze why.  Maybe if people were a little less fanatic about it and a little more accepting and understanding and forgiving of each others beliefs... and if people didn't always think their way/religion is the best way for "everyone" then I think the concept of religion would go over a lot better.*end edit*

Now, as for me, I am doing great down in Dallas now.  I have a great job, even though right now I'm at work and so incredibly bored that I'm typing on Xanga, but what the heck, it's Friday and I'm getting paid $100 today to do nothing.  That's about it, I'm in a good mood, I enjoy my new life in Dallas, I miss my friends in Stillwater, but I will be back there on the 10th of this month and I can't wait to get off of work today.

Latuuuuuh!

Really, this is just a rant of mine, so if you don't want to read it, I wouldn't reccommend it.

Ok, so somedays, like today, I'm embarrassed to be a human.  I mean, humans really are stupid.  We create war, fights, unneccessary arguments and situations for television that we call "drama".  We have a ton of diseases.  We can't seem to solve the social problems that have been plaguing our species for milleniums...  Humans have so many problems it's rediculous and one person can't even keep up with them.  And to counter argue our problems, we have things like "hope and faith that things will get better"  and shit like that.  Guess what, people have had hope and faith that things will get better for a long ass time.  What we need is for people to actually stop doing stupid shit and actually think permanently about the social problems instead of temproralily solving them.  I'm not saying that I have all the answers, but i am saying that when I watch the news at night, it's the same problems just different people every single night and it's annoying.  Sometimes I wish I was a clueless animal or human.  That way, I could be in my own little "world" and not know or understand all the other stuff that the rest of the species does.  There are people who spend their entire lives trying to understand why humans act and react the way they do.  They spend their entire lives trying to understand the thought processes and what-not behind humans.  There are books upon books written on humans.  There are speculations (Philosophy), there are scientific theories (sociology and psychology), there are cultural and sexual studies (cultural geography and anthropology), and there are religious studies (theology).... All of these make one huge circle and none of them have any final and conclusive answers and that is because humans cannot understand each other and how stupidly complex we are.  I think maybe that's why humans created religions, that way they could have some sort of closure that the madness would someday end.  Humans are dirty, scandelous, grossly sexual beings, and the only thing that seperates the "good" from the "bad" is social standards and norms. 

I don't really know how all this ties together just yet, but I will look back on this over the next couple of weeks and make it into one, very large, article.